Cosmetics

Today I’ll be discussing (complaining about) Smashbox’s three-tone ombré lipsticks. What a load of BS.

Firstly, I don’t know if I have some next level lips that kiss themselves when I’m not looking or feeling but this lipstick smudged like a Mother trucker! I can’t even tell you, but again – I’ll find a way. Load. Of. Monstrosity. What a rip off. £12.00 something, wasted.

Then, let’s move on to the shade, shall we? Yes, I love red lipstick but I was anticipating this to look like the image, a sunset… I don’t know if I’m an invalid at applying lipstick or if they actually false advertised, but it just looked like a standard red lipstick – one that didn’t suit my skin tone at all. I have a Seventeen lipstick that cost £3 that did a better job and looked better than this absolute fudgery. Don’t buy it unless you fancy wasting your money and/or have unkissable-themselves lips and/or don’t have a skin tone that makes you look even pastier when this is applied. I looked washed out and like an albino Eskimo with bright red lips. Imagine. Never. Again.

What a load of BS. Absolute crap. No. It’s a no from me. It doesn’t even deserve a picture nor a link to the product page. Stupidity. What a waste of packaging and a product. My bank statement is bereft and hosting a minute’s silence for the waste at 12am tomorrow morning, GMT.

So, to confirm – things that are legendary:

Bae

Things that are not legendary:

– Be Legendary by Smashbox, ALL the offence in the world – not even “no”! BULL SH*T.

You knew it was coming! If you’ve got me on Twitter, in which case, God help you and us all… You’ll know that I have been going on about Benefit’s Cheek Parade for a few days now…

I ordered it, it arrived and I unboxed it like Floyd Mayweather, ring size. Wait – did I say “size”?! Whoops! 🙊 I meant “SIDE”! Easy mistake… Am I right?!

So, anyway, back to Cheek Parade… All I can say is you’ll BENEFIT from it, trust me! I mean, it’s no set of DONUT lights, but it’s close!

Cheek parade is a festive, cheeky looking palette that screams “SMEAR ME ACROSS ALL FOUR OF YOUR CHEEKS!” By four, I mean my two and bae’s two. What’s mine is ours and what’s his is, THEIRS – probably.

Now for the serious stuff…  You look three mighties FINE! If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineORANGE (and that’s just the palette)…

Back to bae, usually, he’d cost you £122, but Benefit are selling him for £49.99. You get five product sized blushes, highlighters and bronzers in total and all of them look like “HALLELUJAH!” in the face, structure and skeletal (cheek – and the rest) bones.

Names of the five powders: Rockateaur –  which if you’ve ever woke up with foreign accent syndrome… SAY IT LOUD, SAY IT PROUD! Hoola – which, let’s not beat around 578 mulberry bushes, they’re just legit what HAWAII would look like. Dandillion, which: on other people would look fab… But, on me it’d look washed out and like I just completed a year long expedition in Antarctica; trying to save the MOLAR BEARS.

The Hoola Lite – which looks like if someone shined a TORCH on your facial region – #SEXY … and lastly, Galifornia, which – your best bet is to ask Katy Perry & Snoop Dog/Lion/Goat about that because they sung a song about its girls once. Still, the shades on that one (and the rest) is: 😍.

One thing to note, the palette is refillable [I’m assuming] because the powders are detachable. Did mine love to jump out and caress my floor? Yes, sir/miss! Like powders, like brush… That one (too) was trying out for long jump at every opportunity; which leads us nicely onto the mirror… Mine had more product on it than inside the actual palette.

All in all, it was a good buy. I think it’s a bargain. The colours, the beauty, the price, it’s all a win:win situation. In my opinion, Cheek Parade is well worth investing in, if you’re into blushers/highlighters and bronzers… Urban Decay’s NAKED 3 eyeshadow palette is the cheek equivalent to this… I primrose.

Right, thanks for reading!

If no one’s told you today, you amount to approximately 3 BILLIUN blessings, all of which are ‘hearts for eyes’ emojis (and Godly ones, observationally).

A few weeks ago, Red Magazine was giving away free full-sized Rodial mascaras worth just under £25… I don’t usually read Red Magazine, but I was thinking of the BARGAIN! So, I picked one up…

I tried it out for the first time a few days ago and have only just got round to writing up a review… This is it. Strap yourselves into your seats. Glue your eyes to your screens and get did.

I’ve reviewed another Rodial product before – in fact, my first post on this blog was Rodial and it’s had the most views of any blog post I’ve ever posted, ever.

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss my previous post, we’re here to talk about Glamolash XXL.

Lengthen, separate and lift eyelashes with this matte, dry formula mascara. With a soft black pigment and short, finely packed bristles, this will give a lengthened natural flutter to eyelashes with long-lasting hold for a wide eyed look.

If you’ve read my blog and are familiar with my existence, you’d know I love mascara more than any other make-up product. I think it’s because I’ve been blessed with long-ish lashes, so I like to just keep them looking good. If I spent as much time looking after my head and eyebrow hair as much as I do my eyelashes, I’d probably look a damn sight better. 😆

Why do I keep going off on tangents?! Must. Stick. To. The. PLAN! Speaking of plans, how does NASA run parties/events? They PLANET. That sentence just then has EVERYTHING to do with Rodial’s Glamolash. I promise*…

*lied

So, Rodial’s mascara Glamolash was free as an incentive from Red Magazine, as I said, and it’s actually the most rubbish mascara I’ve ever used. No offence.

Firstly, the packaging feels beyond belief tacky (and kind of looks it too). Imagine paying £20-something for a “high end” mascara that makes MaxFactor’s “drug store” one look like Beyoncé… Exactly.

Don’t even get me started on the formula… I got it in my eye by accident and almost went blind. Seriously. It’s that bad. My eye started crying those rivers that Justin Timberlake sang about, it wasted about seven kitchen towels, Q-Tips and time applying the rest of my makeup – which then got wiped away.

The result? Clumpy. I looked as though I completed day one on a BTEC Hair & Beauty course and didn’t go back. We all know what might happen on Day One, don’t we? An induction to the course, getting to know each other by name, and discussing our previous make-up faux pas. Exactly, we wouldn’t even had been taught how to apply the damn thing.

If I had to choose one good thing about it, I’d have to say the applicator.

To conclude this post, Rodial’s Glamolash is trash. Don’t waste your money. Thankfully, I paid for the magazine so not all was lost…

 

Bourjois is making another appearance on this blog because – why not? Air Mat is a foundation that does exactly what it sounds like on the packaging: it leaves your face feeling airy fairy and mattifies it.

Bourjois’ Air Mat foundation has been specially developed to give skin a smooth, matte finish that lasts for up to 24 hours. Its non drying, lightweight formula lets skin breathe throughout the day and provides high coverage for a flawless finish.

Enriched with mattifying micronized powders, it elimates shine with no mask effect for an undetectable result.

Do I love it? I would love it a hell of a lot more if I hadn’t picked up the wrong shade…

Hahahahahahaa! Hahahahahah! Hahahahaha! Wait – hahahaha! … Okay, so – do I usually look like a Lebanese polar bear? Yes. But, did I look like I am on a PALE-O skin-tone diet when I tried this foundation? Again, yes.

Other than the wrong shade, I love this foundation. It’s amazing. Like, for real. I wear it and feel like I’ve got nothing on [facially, I wear clothes – obvs.]. It leaves my face looking flawless and even. Yes, that’s right – it’s got a high coverage, similar to Yves Saint Laurent’s Camouflage. You wouldn’t think so though because it’s called “AIR” Mat.

Like all other Boujois products, this one smells incredible. It’s more floral than fruity but still: lush.

Do I know the ingredients? No, I’m not a dermatologist, soz… But, I do know that Bourjois states that it lasts 24 hours. I wore it on my face long for enough to know it lasts 9 hours and is durable. However, I haven’t tested it out for 24 hours.

Mate, I love my blog, but not enough to keep foundation on my face for 24 straight hours knowing full well I have to position myself between a sweat sandwich and breath pie every morning and night (just to get to and from work by train)… I’d have to want post-breakouts, skin-coli or dermatological salmonella, and I don’t. Apologies.

Back to the shade, there are five shades to choose from. I may have bought the wrong one, I know you won’t because you’re not that colour blind and dumb.

Gabrini

I actually haven’t blogged in a while, but it feels like forever… It’s amazing what buying yourself a life does! 🙈  Of course, I’m absolutely not being serious, thank God for the life that he gave me, and everything about it.

Anyway, this isn’t going to be a ‘How I Found God’ post – as I was BORN in the know… This is, instead, about the cheapest but best liquid lipstick that I own.

Yeah, okay, I know what you’re thinking: “how does that have anything to do with God?” Well, God is LOVE and I love liquid lipsticks. Thanks!

Gabrini liquid lipgloss/sticks are £1.99. I bought them from a pharmacy (the only thing I’ve ever stolen is bae) and tried them (the liquid lipstick, not bae – although… If bae’s reading this, he should most definitely HOLLA at my face and/or online presence) and haven’t looked back.

Gabrini’s shades aren’t very diverse, but they’re good nonetheless… Number 15, my favourite, is a mix of Dolce K by Kylie Cosmetics and Abu Dhabi by NYX. Legit my FAVOURITE.

If Kylie & NYX had a lovechild, it’d be called: Gabrini Matte Lipgloss Long Lasting in Number 15!

The pigments are super, the longevity is pretty standard and it doesn’t transfer. However, for £1.99, it feels tacky when first applied… Also, don’t forget that it’s a gloss base – making it pretty runny upon application. But, once it dries, the finish is matte and is nice to the naked (or clothed) eye.

The doe-foot applicator looks pretty good, I mean, I don’t have a doe-foot applicator fetish but for £1.99 – I was pleasantly surprised…

The smell of this liquid lipstick/gloss thingy hybrid is chocolate-esque… I don’t know, I felt like there was a hint of chocolate… Oh yeah, about that: chocolate, ‘the food stuff’, has not been adhering to my digestive system. If anything, it’s made my bowels a little overactive. That’s what happens when you give up chocolate for a month in aid of BHF but end up reuniting with it (and the toilet). Bet you weren’t expecting to read this, were you? No. 🙈

So, in a nutshell that excludes an overactive bowel, Gabrini is a lipgloss/stick thing that dries matte and completely worth £1.99. Dare I say it, it’s underpriced. Just don’t tell Garbini! 😂

Good points: smells like the chocolate that my bowels have become allergic to (that’s one bittersweet good point), it’s cheap as one chip (not plural), and it’s unsmudge-able; meaning I can carry on not kissing anyone without the worry that it’ll go all over them!

DISCLAIMER: I sound like Bridget Jones meets Miranda meets Amy Schumer, but seriously… I’m not like that IRL. I love love enough to wait/have waited for the right kind. Then again, that’s probably “what they all say…” 😆

What to take from this blog post other than ‘grab yourself a Gabrini’… Love/friendship/circumstances find/s you, but the only thing you should outwardly be looking for is to find yourself and/or God! l LOVE GOD, AND BAE DOESN’T GO A MISS EITHER.

Love, light and Gabrini,

Miamii