How do we “let go” of something which meant the world to us? Something which was part of the best and most influential/important chapters of our lives? Look, I’ve been trying for ages and still not mastered it. But, I truly believe it happens with time.
If I’m honest, the first step was accepting that whatever it is, is never going to happen. It was a work in progress for years even though there was no transformations or breakthroughs. So, if it didn’t happen at a time when it was at (what I thought was) its best, it certainly isn’t going to happen after the worst.
Time is a healer. I don’t know how long it takes and I don’t want to pluck a number out of the sky, but it does. You will heal, eventually. The key here is to not rush the healing. If you rush your soul and heart’s healing, your ‘20% healed’ will feel like the full 100 (but will later catch up with you – making you realise the hard way that there’s still 80% to go)! That is not great, at all.
Replacing the thing you wanted the most so soon (if at all) is the first step to disaster. Yeah, you’ve accepted it won’t happen, but are struggling to let go… You won’t be able to let go if you’re comparing everything around with the one thing you’re struggling to let go of, or searching for something to replace it and fill the void. Rebound doesn’t work. Ask the tried and tested. It only makes you think of the thing you’re trying to replace more, prolonging the healing process.
I truly believe that prayer got me through it. I’m going to be honest, my faith is something that I’ve always had – but going through personal turmoil and my first ever heartbreak really got me even closer to God. “God heals the broken-hearted and bandages their wounds.”
For once, I found myself not praying for specifics and praying for his grace and plan. I begged him to help me let go of something that may not have even been part of his plan, because the pain I felt in the aftermath was unbearable. They say ‘God is not one of confusion’, therefore, I can only assume that the confusion experienced in that chapter of my life must’ve meant it wasn’t for me, regardless of how much I wanted to believe, and hoped/prayed otherwise.
Some might not believe in God. If you don’t, maybe you should try reading or researching this? Turning to God is (for those who tried it) life-changing. Especially when nothing seems to go right. Once God is found and depended on, everything will start to look up with patience and an unfailing, unconditional, unwavering confidence/belief and love.
Don’t let the situation scar you for life
No, the plan didn’t go the way we wanted. That’s not the end of the world, even if you considered it during the peak of the fuckery.
Take all the time you need. Vent as much as you need.
However, don’t let it turn you off trying again – it might work the next time. All I’ll say is really mature and learn from the mistakes made from this time, so you’ll be stronger and unbreakable the next. The best thing about life is that we cannot break in the same way twice.
As much as you feel like you’ll never be that happy (at the peak of the situation’s greatness/peacefulness) again, you will. You just need to find happiness within yourself. Never allow anyone to be responsible for your happiness. That’s cruel, because if they can’t give you that – due to the fact that they’re not happy in themselves either – it’ll do more damage than good.
Don’t victimise yourself or the situation
There are no victims in life. The reality is, we accepted the circumstances in the first place – knowing the pros/cons. So, we have no one to blame but ourselves (except, we shouldn’t blame ourselves either).
There was some safety and happiness connected to the plan, and that was what made the rest of the picture worth focusing on for the period of time needed. Once it starts to crumble, we begin to lose sight of what made us want to go through with it in the first place. Don’t, just: take the time you need. Once you’re healed, or ready, go back out there and face the world.
Don’t guilt-trip yourself. We make mistakes. We live, we learn. Yeah, we made the same mistakes over and over again, so what? You’re entitled to feel like “maybe it will be different this time?” when you want something so much… It’s human nature. We just don’t want to accept the reality that it won’t. That’s not to do with people as much as it’s to do with the circumstance. If something isn’t for us, no amount of praying or trying will make it be.
I know for a fact that if I had been given what I wanted and the ending was still going to be as bitter as it’s turned out, it would have fully been the end of my life. There would’ve been no going back. When a chapter teaches you so much about yourself, teaching you lessons about life and yours in particular (even in the craziest and most un-comprehendible of circumstances), you struggle to function in the same way (if at all) afterwards.
Go easy on yourself is the message! You’ll get through it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You’ve just got to believe it and keep walking towards it.