Ultrabland

When we think of LUSH, we automatically think that all their products smell lovely, right? Wrong. Ultrabland smells ULTRA like horse manure. I’d hazard a guess that after spending a total of 5 years scooping up pony poop – I should know what it smells like.

Alright, aside from the fact that it reeks like the extraction of our NEIGHbours, is it good? Yes. I mean, if you’re going to buy it based on the smell – don’t. However, if you’re buying it because you want to remove your make-up entirely, invest like Dragon’s Den or Lord Sugar.

Seriously. It’s so good (albeit Ul-REEK-A Jonsson’s protégé).

How do you use it? Rinse your face with water, slather it on, wipe it off with a warm, wet flannel. Then, the excess you can wash with your chosen cleanser. It’s SO good. Mascara? Gone. Eyeliner? Gone. Matte lipstick? Gone. It’s awesome.

Based on an ancient Greek formula for cold cream, Ultrabland is beautifully simple and very effective. Made with almond oil, rose water, beeswax and honey, this cleanser removes all traces of dirt and makeup, without stripping away your skin’s natural defences. Smooth over the face, any dirt will cling to the cream and you can remove it with a warm damp cloth or cotton wool.

Does it smell like roses or bees-wax? Hahahahah, Does it ‘eck! I’m sure horse toxic, lumpy exits were used to make this – but they’re trying to pass it off as wax and roses. They just wouldn’t put that as an ingredient because we wouldn’t buy it. Honestly, go smell it – even for a dare. It REEKS! 😂

Remember Phoebe from FRIENDS’ “Smelly Cat”? Well, I reckon LUSH are going to release their own rendition of her song called ‘Smelly Horse’. Ultrabland is going to be in the advert.

If Ultrabland was a Teletubby, it’d be Stinky Winky.