You knew it was coming! If you’ve got me on Twitter, in which case, God help you and us all… You’ll know that I have been going on about Benefit’s Cheek Parade for a few days now…

I ordered it, it arrived and I unboxed it like Floyd Mayweather, ring size. Wait – did I say “size”?! Whoops! 🙊 I meant “SIDE”! Easy mistake… Am I right?!

So, anyway, back to Cheek Parade… All I can say is you’ll BENEFIT from it, trust me! I mean, it’s no set of DONUT lights, but it’s close!

Cheek parade is a festive, cheeky looking palette that screams “SMEAR ME ACROSS ALL FOUR OF YOUR CHEEKS!” By four, I mean my two and bae’s two. What’s mine is ours and what’s his is, THEIRS – probably.

Now for the serious stuff…  You look three mighties FINE! If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineORANGE (and that’s just the palette)…

Back to bae, usually, he’d cost you £122, but Benefit are selling him for £49.99. You get five product sized blushes, highlighters and bronzers in total and all of them look like “HALLELUJAH!” in the face, structure and skeletal (cheek – and the rest) bones.

Names of the five powders: Rockateaur –  which if you’ve ever woke up with foreign accent syndrome… SAY IT LOUD, SAY IT PROUD! Hoola – which, let’s not beat around 578 mulberry bushes, they’re just legit what HAWAII would look like. Dandillion, which: on other people would look fab… But, on me it’d look washed out and like I just completed a year long expedition in Antarctica; trying to save the MOLAR BEARS.

The Hoola Lite – which looks like if someone shined a TORCH on your facial region – #SEXY … and lastly, Galifornia, which – your best bet is to ask Katy Perry & Snoop Dog/Lion/Goat about that because they sung a song about its girls once. Still, the shades on that one (and the rest) is: 😍.

One thing to note, the palette is refillable [I’m assuming] because the powders are detachable. Did mine love to jump out and caress my floor? Yes, sir/miss! Like powders, like brush… That one (too) was trying out for long jump at every opportunity; which leads us nicely onto the mirror… Mine had more product on it than inside the actual palette.

All in all, it was a good buy. I think it’s a bargain. The colours, the beauty, the price, it’s all a win:win situation. In my opinion, Cheek Parade is well worth investing in, if you’re into blushers/highlighters and bronzers… Urban Decay’s NAKED 3 eyeshadow palette is the cheek equivalent to this… I primrose.

Right, thanks for reading!

If no one’s told you today, you amount to approximately 3 BILLIUN blessings, all of which are ‘hearts for eyes’ emojis (and Godly ones, observationally).

A few weeks ago, Red Magazine was giving away free full-sized Rodial mascaras worth just under £25… I don’t usually read Red Magazine, but I was thinking of the BARGAIN! So, I picked one up…

I tried it out for the first time a few days ago and have only just got round to writing up a review… This is it. Strap yourselves into your seats. Glue your eyes to your screens and get did.

I’ve reviewed another Rodial product before – in fact, my first post on this blog was Rodial and it’s had the most views of any blog post I’ve ever posted, ever.

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss my previous post, we’re here to talk about Glamolash XXL.

Lengthen, separate and lift eyelashes with this matte, dry formula mascara. With a soft black pigment and short, finely packed bristles, this will give a lengthened natural flutter to eyelashes with long-lasting hold for a wide eyed look.

If you’ve read my blog and are familiar with my existence, you’d know I love mascara more than any other make-up product. I think it’s because I’ve been blessed with long-ish lashes, so I like to just keep them looking good. If I spent as much time looking after my head and eyebrow hair as much as I do my eyelashes, I’d probably look a damn sight better. 😆

Why do I keep going off on tangents?! Must. Stick. To. The. PLAN! Speaking of plans, how does NASA run parties/events? They PLANET. That sentence just then has EVERYTHING to do with Rodial’s Glamolash. I promise*…

*lied

So, Rodial’s mascara Glamolash was free as an incentive from Red Magazine, as I said, and it’s actually the most rubbish mascara I’ve ever used. No offence.

Firstly, the packaging feels beyond belief tacky (and kind of looks it too). Imagine paying £20-something for a “high end” mascara that makes MaxFactor’s “drug store” one look like Beyoncé… Exactly.

Don’t even get me started on the formula… I got it in my eye by accident and almost went blind. Seriously. It’s that bad. My eye started crying those rivers that Justin Timberlake sang about, it wasted about seven kitchen towels, Q-Tips and time applying the rest of my makeup – which then got wiped away.

The result? Clumpy. I looked as though I completed day one on a BTEC Hair & Beauty course and didn’t go back. We all know what might happen on Day One, don’t we? An induction to the course, getting to know each other by name, and discussing our previous make-up faux pas. Exactly, we wouldn’t even had been taught how to apply the damn thing.

If I had to choose one good thing about it, I’d have to say the applicator.

To conclude this post, Rodial’s Glamolash is trash. Don’t waste your money. Thankfully, I paid for the magazine so not all was lost…

 

The title of this post has to be the most original title I’ve ever come up with… Seriously. I mean, I just literally purchased a shamballa from Amazon and I already cannot wait to wear it and/or for it to arrive.

I don’t do fashion posts anyway, so this is as good as you’re going to get… Enjoy. Green is the best colour (when blue is not available). No, if I’m being honest, blue ain’t got a patch on green. Green is bae.

When I saw this shamballa on Amazon, priced at £8.99- at that very moment, my bank balance experienced a -£8.99 (as if by magic). That, right there, is finance, online shopping and spending… If you pay tax & VAT, you’re doing it right. It is in your best INTEREST to rise in inflation.

Can I write 300 words about green shamballas? Yes. I’ve written about 150 already… You get the picture. If you don’t get it, it’s up there – above the text.

“Why do I love this shamballa?” I don’t know, are you lacking in common sense, taste and eyesight? Probably, or else you wouldn’t be asking such as silly question.

Green is the colour of my tattoo, bae’s eyes – very beautiful eyes, just ask Ultrabeat – and the grass, trees and other versions of botanical. Is this why I love botanicals? Again, probably.

The colour green symbolises neutrality (is that even a word? … The weird dotted red line hasn’t come up underneath it so I’m guessing so…)

Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if ‘neutrality’ is a swear word in some other language and if I may have just offended a whole nation… Apologies! Look, I didn’t swallow a Rosetta Stone, I weren’t to know!

Right, so – if you too want to purchase this beautiful shamballa and wear it on your wrist, then check out this link!

Link… My ink… We’re in August, let that SINK in. If you’re fitting a tap at this moment in time, you’re PLUMBALIEVABLE!

TTYL.

 

Bourjois is making another appearance on this blog because – why not? Air Mat is a foundation that does exactly what it sounds like on the packaging: it leaves your face feeling airy fairy and mattifies it.

Bourjois’ Air Mat foundation has been specially developed to give skin a smooth, matte finish that lasts for up to 24 hours. Its non drying, lightweight formula lets skin breathe throughout the day and provides high coverage for a flawless finish.

Enriched with mattifying micronized powders, it elimates shine with no mask effect for an undetectable result.

Do I love it? I would love it a hell of a lot more if I hadn’t picked up the wrong shade…

Hahahahahahaa! Hahahahahah! Hahahahaha! Wait – hahahaha! … Okay, so – do I usually look like a Lebanese polar bear? Yes. But, did I look like I am on a PALE-O skin-tone diet when I tried this foundation? Again, yes.

Other than the wrong shade, I love this foundation. It’s amazing. Like, for real. I wear it and feel like I’ve got nothing on [facially, I wear clothes – obvs.]. It leaves my face looking flawless and even. Yes, that’s right – it’s got a high coverage, similar to Yves Saint Laurent’s Camouflage. You wouldn’t think so though because it’s called “AIR” Mat.

Like all other Boujois products, this one smells incredible. It’s more floral than fruity but still: lush.

Do I know the ingredients? No, I’m not a dermatologist, soz… But, I do know that Bourjois states that it lasts 24 hours. I wore it on my face long for enough to know it lasts 9 hours and is durable. However, I haven’t tested it out for 24 hours.

Mate, I love my blog, but not enough to keep foundation on my face for 24 straight hours knowing full well I have to position myself between a sweat sandwich and breath pie every morning and night (just to get to and from work by train)… I’d have to want post-breakouts, skin-coli or dermatological salmonella, and I don’t. Apologies.

Back to the shade, there are five shades to choose from. I may have bought the wrong one, I know you won’t because you’re not that colour blind and dumb.