Failure is trying. At some point in your life, you tried to better yourself, tried to level up, tried to prove a point… But, you failed. Except, plot twist: you didn’t. You tried.

Failure is a sign of trying. Failure is saying: “I tried, but it wasn’t the right time, the right place or the right person to try with.”

Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, they ALL tried. They all failed, but continued to push and here they are relishing in their success. If they’d given up or stopped trying, would we have Facebook, Apple or Amazon? And, did they actually “fail”? No. They didn’t, not when you think of it in the grand scheme of things.

Coming across a few things (or ways) that don’t work isn’t failure… Least of all when you finally crack it and get to the destination.

You should not be scared of ‘failure’. You should be scared of not trying. You should be scared of not speaking up on something you feel strongly about… You should be scared of not trying to better yourself… You should be scared of not trying to level up, not failing when you try.

Regrets are a sign that I didn’t try. I’d much rather have a long list of failures in life than a long list of regrets. “What If?”, that could never be me. Looking back when I’m 70 at a life where I tried and I failed at stuff? Fine. Because, I’ve got scars both physically and emotionally to prove that. That is a life fulfilled. When I look at my grandkids at that age, I’d tell them the same. I’d instil in them that they have to “try” even if they fail for a while because ‘regrets’ are for losers. ‘Failure’ is cool.

100% of things that failed ended up leading to wins. So, what the fuck is there to be scared of?

It’s Halloween season, go find something actually scary like a ghost or some paranormal activity… Not ‘failure’.

Here’s to failing as many more times as needbe before I get it so right that no-one can deny it’s right. 🥂

Happy Diwali to all who celebrate. I, personally, don’t think Diwali is limited to just being celebrated by Hindus (I hope not anyway because I’ve celebrated it for as long as I can remember).

My mum and I went to the opening of a local bank and they were giving out Diwali candles, but they were the battery-powered LED ones… This was 5 years ago, and we still have the candles now, they still work.

If you know me, you’ll know that I love lights. However, I just recently discovered that Thomas Edison, who I thought invented lights, might have actually stolen the idea from someone else… Not sure how to feel about that, other than to not condone theft of ideas (or otherwise) and just respect the invention of light and admire it…

Anyway! Back to Diwali. For me, Diwali is not just a festival of light – but a celebration of our own human light. There’s a reason why auras come in colours, isn’t there?

So, let’s celebrate our own unique light and radiate it onto everyone who wants it shone on them (in exchange for theirs to be shone on us).

The world in general is a pretty dark place, our minds can be too. Around the world, no-one is happy… Therefore, let’s try to make ourselves (and each other) happy by radiating our own unique light and shining it bright – to the point where it’s undeniable and cannot be extinguished.

I think we need it now more than ever… Especially this time of year, I mean, today the UK had its clocks turned back an hour! This obviously means we’ll be going to work and coming home in the dark… It doesn’t help that I’m scared crapless of the dark! Waaaah!

Shine on!

My faith: spiritual figurines

I have a Virgin Mary statue that I hold when I’m at my most depressed. I’m convinced it has healing powers. She and the Holy Family do, but there’s just something about holding the compact statue that makes me feel like I’m being held by her. It makes me feel so much better. I cry the most and the deepest I’ve ever cried whilst holding it though, but afterwards my mind (and heart) is very, very calm – the most at peace I’ve ever felt.

My phone:

I’m addicted to my cell-phone. I’ve never been arrested and had to call anyone while doing time but ‘cell-phone’.

My plants:

Before getting a pet, get a plant collection. I have like 5 plants… Bonnie the Bonsai, Sebastian the Aloe Vera and Santa the Cactus. I also have two others that were a gift which I’ve affectionately called ‘Nicki & Miamii’. The next step is a pet (although I look after my neighbours’ cats from time to time, when they pay our garden a visit) before the real test of responsibility… Kids.

My teddy bear:

I know it sounds absolutely crazy and nuts, but I have a teddy bear that I’ve had since I was young called Moon (pictured above) and he’s just the cutest. I wish Toy Story and/or Ted the Movie were real, so we could talk.

My healing crystals:

I have quite the crystals collection and they all are unique and do different things… They have their uses. I’m actually studying an online course – learning all about ‘crystal healing’. It works for me and fascinates me, so I’m learning more about it. If I had to choose my favourite stone it would have to be Jade. I very recently got a necklace from China, on a recent trip. I’ve learned not to post photos of my travels anymore as they’ll only get a maximum of 2 likes. More importantly though, memories are there to be had privately, not shared with the world.

Anyway, these are the materialistic things that I can’t live without, but they’re also priceless. I absolutely love them. Everyone has stuff they can’t live without, and it’d be awesome to hear about yours!

The old ‘mii?

I was a version of myself who didn’t have self-respect and didn’t know what it felt like to self-love, self-medicate, self-heal. I would sell myself short and put myself down. So, I guess I wasn’t really being myself back then, leaving me open to being shortchanged, overlooked and used/taken advantage of.‬

I blame no-one but the “old me” for this… I don’t have time to blame others, especially not when I brought it on myself. What I do owe others is a ‘thanks’ for showing me how I shouldn’t be treated. They were, without realising it, the catalyst for this shift/change within me – which, after this chapter of heartache, pain and uncertainty, I’m certain will lead to the ‘as perfect as can be’ rest of my life. I’ll attract an abundance of open doors, an abundance of love from the right people and an abundance of happiness. I’ll claim it when this dark cloud passes.

I hope these posts and tweets over the last couple of weeks show you that it’s okay not to be okay for a while, and that being vocal about it isn’t a weakness/attention-seeking. If I was doing it for attention (which I am 100% not), I promise you I’ve continued to attract the same amount of attention as I did before this phase.

If just one person reads some of my tweets or blog posts and resonates with them or it shows them a way out of those emotions that doesn’t involve ending it all, they’d have served their purpose.

Remember: it does and it will get better, as we have all proven many times before. I guess, it just gets so all-consuming each time that we forget what it felt like to be okay. But, we’ll get back there – and stay there for longer next time, we hope.

Anyway, if any of you are wondering whether I’m ashamed of publicly sharing my experiences with mental health or the feelings that take over me, ‘no’ is the answer. I’ll tell you why… I am a real human being with real emotions, with real reactions to real experiences or lack thereof.

If I brushed it all under the carpet, those people will continue to take advantage of me (unbeknownst to them that their game is up). I would be hiding the version of myself that rings most true to me. It’s this one, warts and all. I have ‘some’ really shitty down days (even though it feels like most right now) and some really uppety up days (even though it will feel like ‘most’ once this dark cloud passes).

Eventually, I like to hope that I won’t have as many down days as I do up, but I don’t expect that. As long as I know how to manage my ups and downs, I’ll be alright.

Love to those who deserve it and ignorance to those who don’t,

Miamii x


Stop checking up on people who don’t check on you…

I was complaining that I couldn’t forget someone until I realised I was checking their social-medias throughout the day, so of course I couldn’t… It made sense. Now, I don’t and I hope that this hack helps me forget – besides, all they remember is the idiot that they took me for.

I’m not an idiot, not anymore anyway… I’m worth a lot more. I’m deserving of a lot more. Never mistake naivety for stupidity or idiocy. Never confuse a softness with weakness. I choose to be soft – but inside I’m strong. I’ve been through much worse.

Yes, I’m vocal about my emotional and mental health struggles, but someone’s got to be. That’s a strength. In a world where people are ignorant and ruthless, where life can be so mundane and dreary – be naive and impressionable, dream of a better future.

The world has aged almost 2020 years… When are we going to accept that everyone struggles, everyone suffers, and everyone is battling with their own inner demons – without having to hide it from the world, for fear they’ll think we’re “CRAZY”? It is LIFE.

Speaking about it, using this platform, will show people that if they’re battling similar things offline, there’s someone online that can give them “hope”. Never lose ‘hope’, redirect it if you have to… Never, ever lose it.

Everyone has their own definition of “crazy”, mine doesn’t include mental-health sufferers who have bipolar mood swings that are out of their control. My definition of the word is someone who’s intentionally ‘cruel’, intentionally ‘ruthless’ and ‘vindictive’.

I, thankfully, am not those (above) things… I can speak for myself when I say those traits are taught, they don’t just naturally happen… We can all survive without developing such traits.

We have all been through stuff, but we should understand that there’s two routes we can take… One: where become the experience we’ve endured, let the challenges consume us and change us for the worse… Two: where we decide to use our experiences for to change ourselves for the better. Making sure we don’t make the same mistakes again, and we don’t let it define us. 

Remember: sometimes we have to be brutally honest with ourselves and others, cutting relationships that are toxic to/for our growth. That is not “cruel”, that’s life. What’s “cruel” is lying to yourself and others and prolonging a connection with someone that’s detriment to yours’ or both’s mental health. 

Dare to trust, dare to believe, dare to dream. Just, make sure that when you realise who should and shouldn’t be trusted, believed or dreamt about, you act accordingly. That’s the trick.  Don’t let negative experiences change you… Especially if that’s who you naturally are.