Nutrition

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While I wait for bae to “as if by magic” be single and slide into my DMs to ask me on an actual date, I’ve decided to start eating my body-weight in dates until then, in a hope that it induces not just the labour of love but a miracle.

I’ve been obsessed with walnut cake since I ate it at a community centre last year, or the year before that… I was volunteering at a film night and there it was laid out as part of the spread, it mentally twatted me to life. The rest is history…

So, anyway, date & walnut cakes… 😋😋😋 #IDidntKnowIWasStarvingUntilITastedYou

IN (DA CLUB) GREDIENTS 🎶

  • 2 pounds worth of dates (cost and weight), (Brad) Pitted and (Karate) Chopped
  • 2 pounds English (or Brexitted) walnuts, (Michael) Korsly Chop(stick)ed
  • 1 cup of (Alan) Sugar
  • 1 tablespoon (Great British) Baking (Loose) Powder
  • 1 1/4 cups all (Justin Bieber) purpose (bouquet of one) flour
  • 4 egg(stremely good) yolks
  • 4 egg(stremely pearly) whites

HOW DO YOU… MAKE ME NOW! 🎶

Start by turning the oven ON, unless you want to eat cake batter then, A-OK. EU OK, HUN? Turn up the heat to 300 degrees, like you when you look in the mirror, bae! 😉

Grease (lightening) your pan and flour it.

In a large bowl, combine the dates (we’ve yet to go on) walnuts (which we’ve yet to paint), (Alan) sugar (we’ve yet to cane), baking powder (we’ve yet to apply on our #Flawless faces) and (a wedding bouquet of one) flour. Stir in egg yolks (puns included).

In a large glass or metal mixing bowl, beat (it like MJ, legend) the egg whites (of my eyes not tattooed) until stiff peaks start forming. Fold the whites into the fruit/nut mixture until no streaks remain. Spoon (like we should be doing sometime soon) into prepared pan.

Bake in the preheated oven for 90 minutes (not 7 Days). Let cool (ICE) in (Peter) pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely.

(The original recipes didn’t include what’s in the brackets, I just added it for the LOVE 💖)

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This review on Fiji water is extremely late.

I have been drinking this for YEARS but never thought to write about it because I just never remembered to…

Look – Buxton, Evian, Volvic, Smartwater… (when you surprise yourself at your level of understanding into the mineral/spring water industry) … They’re all good, but Fiji is by far the best imo. I love how island-ic it looks and tastes.

Not only can you see how iconic it looks, but you can taste it too. If I had to describe its taste, I’d say it’s smooth (and “mattifying” – #bblogger & #hblogger lingo) to the tastebuds. I love it. What’s more, it actually tastes exotic.

I always buy a bottle or 10 whenever I see them in a store.

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Let’s discuss the packaging, yeah? Oh wow, it’s so different to any water bottle I’ve ever seen… It actually looks like or more expensive than its cost price when in comparison with other artisan water brands. Do you know any? 😆

I’m surprised it’s not a HUGE trend on Instagram tbh. Those colourful Starbucks shakes are good, but these bottles are just as good if you ask me…

Next time you see these in a shop, pick one up and taste the difference.

You can buy them in bulk at Ocado, apparently. O C A D O, OCADO.com. 🎶

Finally, I would go as far as to say I get Fiji-ty when I haven’t had access to one of these, a coffee, a Yorkshire Tea or a selfie of your Cajunderrated SPICY, SAXY, Marvin Gaye Kareoke-inducing face. 💖

No H2O(T) beats YOU and purified water, FYI.

Recipe time

Tonight, I’ll be sharing my favourite pancake omelette recipe in the whole world EVER!

If you’ve got me on Twitter and have a good memory, you’d know that I used to tweet about making a potato pancake omelette with chillies, a lot!

I first stumbled across this recipe completely by accident, no – really! 😆

I was peckish at home but saw that I only had a few potatoes, eggs and chillies, milk, and flour – excluding the usual seasoning products like salt and pepper (of course, cos like do they ever FINISH? 😂 #CupboardShelfLifeStrong).

All  We Need Is LOVE (and):

  • Potatoes
  • Green and Red Chillies
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Cheese (optional) – trust me, it’s Gouda!
  • Pancake Mix (flour, butter/oil, eggs, and milk)

What have I got to do to make you LOVE me (and want to make this):

I peeled the potatoes and chopped them really finely, and did the same with the chillies. I put them to one side as I set out to make the panacake batter.

You know how to make a pancake batter, right? If not, I’ll attach a link to it when I get home. Be BAEtient, for BAEtience is a virtue. #HaveALittleBaetience < if you don’t take anything at all from my blog, ‘Take That‘.

So, anyway, after the pancake batter gets mixed, chuck in the chopped potatoes and red/green chillies. At this point you should really be thinking about turning your HOB on, cos these things don’t cook themselves y’know…

Remember to keep the mixture on the heat until it starts to bubble up (like it would a pancake). The best way to tell is to run a spatula around the sides – if it doesn’t rip/tear too much, it’s ready to flip and cook the front too.

Be sure NOT to burn your potatoes. You don’t want to eat charcoal where your potatoes used to be. I think we’ve established charcoal is best used in skincare and inside barbecue grills.

Once it’s all cooked nicely, turn off the heat and apply the seasoning to your preference. All that’s left now is to DIG IN like you’re filming ‘Holes: The Movie‘.

I don’t have pictures yet, but I’ll upload it when I get home. Sorry. BAER with me, yeah? Thanks.

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It’s #NationalToastDay and I came home to make some French Toast.

It’s not March yet so I’m trying to get as much chocolate crammed into my system w/o bringing on the old diabetes.

So, anyway, the recipe is as follows…

Ingredients:

1) A slice (or 7,890) of Genius Protein Bread (no, really – it’s called Genius!) 🍞

2) Alpro Chocolate Soya Milk 🍼

3) One Organic Free-Range Egg – straight from the hen (or the shop IF you don’t live in a barn) 🍳

4) Ground Cinnamon

5) Coconut Oil/Sunflower Oil/Low Fat Butter (ONE OF THESE, CHOOSE YOUR PERFERRED) for frying.

Method?

Beat egg and add milk, mix, then dip the bread in a bowl to coat. 🍳 🍼

Fry on a medium heat (but let the pan heat up, and allow the oil or the butter to melt/boil before adding the soaked bread) 🔥

Keep flipping the slice of bread from side to side until you’re happy with how it looks. I flipped it four times (once per minute).

Serve with some strawberries and a piece of Lidl’s finest crispy white chocolate (if you’re me). 🍓 🍫

*** You could also add Chocolate Sauce if you want to give yourself even more of a sugar rush and tempt fate of the diabetic variety.

I’ve just stumbled on a way to make a more adult cereal using a childhood fave… Valentine’s Day is all about chocolates and flowers, right? So, why not get some Coco Pops into your system?

What you’ll need:

A bowl and a spoon (optional 😂)

Kelloggs’ Coco Pops

Alpro Chocolate Soya Milk

Shot of Baileys (including bottle cap for measuring)

What to do:

Whether you’re the type to put the cereal before* or after the milk, do your thing! Mix it and drink it…

*Sane people in #Formation

What does it taste like?

IncrEDIBLE!

Remember, though, that Coco Pops has as much sugar content as a can of coke (35g), so don’t have too much of it… Sorry to poop on your party, it’s just facts… I can’t NOT tell you, can I? It wouldn’t sit right with me… I’m usually healthy, but Coco Pops is just to good to be without!