I’m actually typing this as I power plate… I have absolutely no idea how it’s going to come out, I’m just trialling this as an experiment.

The music – Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape of You’ – is playing as I’m typing and my whole body’s engaging in convulsions of the electric pulsating variety. Nice.

Yesterday, I posted a photo of my new hair colour (and eyebrow shape) along with my made up facial follicles also known as ‘pores’. Singapores, winners of Dermatoligists Got Talent, 0-2017 (current).

Everything on my hair and face (except my brows and skin) was courtesy of L’Oréal. Yes.

I’m sharing it with you all because I think everybody could benefit…

L’Oréal might be cost effective, and umm – who doesn’t love cost effective?! It also leaves your face looking a quadrillion yens. (Pound’s suffering, and I ain’t giving that Fartface any more airtime). So, I’ll stick with yens…

Let’s take some time out to appreciate the title that I chose for this post… ‘Get The Look: without my DNA’ cos let’s face it (puns, puns everywhere!) if you looked like me… Scrap that, I wouldn’t let you!

Anyway, time to run through the process of going from Lebanese Polar Bear to Lebanese PHWOAR GRAS(ILY) BEAR! Relax, it’s French, isn’t it? 😉

*a step that isn’t really a step because if you don’t do this before applying your makeup, are you okay? Do you need a visit from the Hygiene Standards Agency?*

I washed my face with LUSH’s Let The Good Times Roll, and followed up with a LUSH’s Eau Roma water. Look, got to be patriotic to the French, don’t I? I’m using L’Oréal after all.. Also, LUSH sounds like a French word. Imagine Fred from First Dates saying it? … or someone from Leeds via Versailles. Anyway. Moving on (in the post, not from bae… #flambé).

I then went on to moisturise my layer using This Works’ In Transit Camera Close Up (which a full, detailed review of is coming soon). Long title, the length of its title is as long as the duration of love that I have for it…

Step One:

Prime that baby. Get that facial skin of yours, and put some L’Oréal ‘Infallible Mattifying Base‘ ‘pon it. I really want to swear – but my mum has instructed me not to. I listen to my mum, so FUDGE ME is this a good primer?! Butterscotch. It’s silicon-y and fills fine lines and nasilobial creases perfectly. Trust me, the amount of times I laugh at mine or bae’s jokes, it’s a wonder I don’t look 400 in the face…

Yeah, so – it’s good it’s infallible, inflammable, infantasticable, inflatulancable, infatuationable, influxable, inlovable, inadorable… Ineverythinggoodable.

Step Two:

Foundate that baby! Take that primed complexion of yours, and foundate it using Infallible Total Cover. The thickness of this bad boy… 😍 If it was a sport, it’d be dubbed: “PHWOARKOUR”!

It’s so hot that I need a fire extinguisher. I love it. 100% full coverage. It’ll probably cover every embarrassing memory that’s ever entered your mind.

I love this. It’s so bae that I don’t even know what ‘bae’ means anymore… Joking. How could I forget Bae? Even though he’s probably trying to (or already has) forgotten me.

Step Three:

Apparently, I got this next one’s name wrong… 😭

I thought it was the Nude Magique highlighter but apparently it’s True Match. I’ve got both the highlighter and bronzer in the True Match range.

I have no idea why I was thinking about Nude Magique… I’m a fully clothed naturist sorceress.

So, yes – I got it wrong and now I’ve fixed it. Knowing me, it’ll definitely happen again, but not with anything associated with L’Oréal. Scouts and Girl Guides honour.

So, highlight your triangles below the eyes, chin, bridge of your nose, and Cupid’s bow (without the arrow). Blend using the L’Oréal blender (if you’ve got one) or a brush/fingers of if you’re a filthy FCUKER, a boiled egg.

Step Four:

Take that Con on TOUR, babies! Draw them cheekbones like Picasso… Give your face that chisel, fizzle, drizzle fo’ shizzle!

As I prematurely stated in several paragraphs/sentences before this one… ’cause I type a lot, don’t I?

See, there’s a button which solves all of that… The “x” at the top left of this page. It’s a kiss, apparently! Alternatively, you could kiss me via a sublime (minal) tweet. 😘

At approximately Contour o’clock, apply the Liquid True Match Bronzer.

Step Five:

‘Lips or eyes?’ Lips or eyes..? I’m sure if L’Oréal was around in Shakespeare’s day, that’d be his first and foremost question… Forget his infamous “to be, or not to be?”.

I went with lips, all the better to kiss you with. I applied Colour Riche… It’s ‘badabing badaboom’. I’m sure everyone who had the privilege of seeing me yesterday would agree.

Step Six:

My favourite. Eyes. My most prized possession are my lashes. I’ve actively thought about getting them insured, then realised that I’m not vain nor completely senile. Emphasis on “completely”. 😂

Not speaking of bae (but speaking of him at the same time), his eyes are like melted Twixes. That deep, creamy droplet shade of brown. PENG!

So, yes, eyelashes. Double. Extension. Extend those lashes to DOUBLE the length.

WOW. My lashes went from there to EVERYWHERE.

They were probably enjoying the scenery in Queensland (Australia) while I was chilling at Buckingham Palace, London.

For those who’ve just joined us, or are not native to the UK, I don’t live in Buckingham Palace. Soz. The Queen does though.

Also, not every citizen of the UK is accustomed to that lifestyle of drinking teas with the Queen and taking her Corgis for a bladder or bowel relief on the grounds.


I dyed every one of my hair strands with L’Oréal Casting Creme Gloss. In keeping with the theme of the last paragraph, one could say that I shine brighter than Rihanna’s diamonds and Rudolph’s nose between the 23-26th of December.

There you go. That’s how I went from Miamii Mansour to Miamii Mansweet, like some Chinese takeaway that you’ve yet to eat from a plate.

Thanks for reading, or attempting to. It’s been fun, for me… I’m not sure if you’ve had fun… Maybe tell the moon and the stars to send me a message, informing me of your thoughts?


I wasn’t going to blog about GLOSSYBOX because I wasn’t a fan of much… However, I’ve since changed my mind because some of them actually that bad. They might be useless for me, but they might be useful for you.

Merci Handy

Let’s start with the hand sanitiser. I need this when travelling on TfL. Trust me, I catch germs like Ash does Pokémon. So, it’s got to stop!

Merci Handy helps to a degree… It’s French, is rose gold in colour and seems pretty good? I’m not a hand gel connoisseur, I haven’t got any idea about how good it actually is…

As far as I know, it has one job, to kill the bacteria but keep it on our hands – until we can get to sink. That’s it. Oh, and it smells like perfumed alcohol.

Merci for reading.

Rodial Glamolash XXL

Yeah, okay, I’m going to say it – I wasn’t expecting much from this mascara…

Aside from the fact I’m very picky when it comes to mascaras, I have worn Rodial before, in the form of a foundation, and it didn’t agree with me.

I’ve got to say that I wasn’t expecting to be blown away by this… I was even reluctant to try it. Boy was I wrong. It’s lovely. Again, I’m not saying it’s the best I’ve ever used, I’m just saying it’s good.

It contains beeswax which helps with the conditioning of our lashes, carnauba wax which evens and fans them out and soluable collagen which works to provide full volume and body to them.

It’s a nice little sample, but I doubt I’ll be buying again…

The wand is nice and thin, just how I like it. I’d say it’s good for long lashed girls like myself, and even better for those with shorter lashes I’d suspect.

The most important thing about mascaras (for me) has to be the deep, dark colour. Rodial’s Glamolash XXL provides just that.

Models Co. Contour Stick

This one felt like I was applying Crayola on my cheekbones. Nah, it isn’t for me… I don’t do drawing on cheekbones, never have and won’t be starting anytime soon.

I’m sure it’s a great little tool for artists (of the makeup variety), but I can’t even draw a wing of eyeliner. I have no hope trying to draw contour.

Sorry, if we were on Family Fortunes you’d be hearing the BUZZER.

Also, while I’m here – GLOSSYBOX, the colour you gave me was horrendous… It was brown, sparkly, and I looked like I’d smeared glittery shit on my face. Nah, soz. I ain’t ’bout that life.

Elgon Deliwash Haircare Cleansing Conditioner Co-Wash

Oh! This one has to be my favourite of all of the Glossybox samples I received! Let’s face it, two out of four were abysmal, and another was a hand sanitiser, so… I mean, come on!

This smells lush, makes my hair feel soft and look shinier.

Mind you, I’ve just dyed my hair with L’Oréal’s Casting Creme Gloss (with Royal Jelly), if my hair gets any shinier, people’ll think it’s Rudolph’s nose a few months late (or early).

Yeah, I’d probably invest in this. It’s a definite maybe.

Again, like everything else in this month’s box, I wasn’t expecting much from this… However, it pleasantly surprised me. Well done, GLOSSYBOX.

SportFX Brow Pencil

I gave this one to my mum. I do not need it, one bit… My eyebrows are thick and black as it is… If I was to use this on top of them, I’d look like the night sky.

Another thing, I have experience of drawing my eyebrows (and lips) in with a pencil, the end result wasn’t pretty…. I looked like what would happen if Ru Paul’s Drag Race and a clown procreated.

My mum might be pleased with it though because her eyebrows aren’t as dark as mine, and she might actually know how to use it professionally. I’ll ask her and get back to you.

Final note: if it’s got Sport in the title, give it to the likes of Usain Bolt or Mo Farah, they’ll put it to good use.

To conclude, the best things about this box was the mascara and the conditioner. The hand sanitiser? Are you serious? You want me to get excited over that? It’s good but come on… Don’t even get me started on that Crayola Glitter shit thing! The brow pencil I’m indifferent on ’cause I never used it (and won’t).

Our must-have tool for achieving a flawless, airbrushed looking base.

Introducing our very first foundaton blending sponge. The Total Cover Foundation Blender has a pointed tip for those hard to reach areas (like under the eyes and around the nose) and a flat surface to press foundation into the skin for a streak-free, airbrushed looking finish.

L'Oréal Beauty Blender

I’m going to let you finish what I start but… Can I get a “WAS THAT YOU ON BAE STATION?!”

Very few times do I sound like I’ve had 70 jägers, or thereabouts… Today, is one of those times. You know aphrodisiacs? Euphoria? Delirium? Endorphins? Adrenalin? …

All the good feels that come with thinking of someone who’s a complete and utter infinity spice times infinity squared? Yes, that’s what happens when I think about bae.

If he was German, which he isn’t (I don’t think?), I’d be German WHIPPED! I don’t do whipped though… Just, the figure of speech.

Anyway, enough about bae (for a few sentences at least), let’s move on to the actual L’Oréal Beauty Blender that I should’ve reviewed a long time ago but hadn’t got round to. Look, it’s absolutely more sanitary and hygienic than using a boiled egg. So, DOUZE POINTS, L’Oréal!

I use it when I can and I’ve never had a problem. What do I mean by ‘when I can’? When I get up early enough, and am energetic enough to apply makeup ‘pon the skin that fits my skull like a glove. LEGENDARY!

Alright, so – wet it, apply the foundation on your face with your fingers, then blend. That’s the magic of this beauty blender. It’s a Beauty, and he’s Bae. The Beauty (Blender) of a Bae. The packaging is gloriously chic, I didn’t expect anything less from L’Oréal. Also, the Beauty Blender is black which means it won’t stain – or it will but won’t show. RESULT (or several)!

I’ve literally run out of things to say… Therefore, I’m just going to randomly type stuff that come to mind… Chicken, dogs, unicorns, latte, love, cats, Twix, Halloumi, Red Wine, White Wine, De Christ Wine, Come Dine, Bae, BaeBae, Baeyond Bae, Baeoncé, Baelerus, I Baet you any money that I love Bae more than Bae loves Bae. How much Bae would a Bae chuck at Bae, if Bae could chuck Baes at Bae? Bae. Bae for now, tomorrow, the next day, a few years from now and then eternity.


I feel like Dhabing when I’m wearing this lipstick tbh… If I was caught doing the Dhab with it on, I wouldn’t even be embarrassed. Except, no one would see it, because my arms would be covering it.

NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream, all £6.99 (?) of it, from Boots, has to be the best nude shade I’ve ever bought. If anyone asked me to send them nudes, I’d probably send them pouty selfies of myself, fully clothed (wearing every garment to enter my wardrobe) whilst wearing this on my lips. I really need to move away from this topic, don’t I? 😂

This Lip Cream’s shade is one of the only things I like about it… I’m not going to lie to you, the doe-foot applicator thing is of rubbish quality and so’s the packaging. it just looks cheap and is so mini. For £6.99 (or whatever it is I paid), I’m not happy with the packaging… I wasn’t expecting it to be gold plated and hold 1,400kg of formula, but I also wasn’t expecting it to be so small and cheap looking.

Having said that, I also like the smell of it – it’s like ice cream. Another thing I love is the look and feel of it (on my lips). It’s smooth, and doesn’t dry my lips out like Kylie’s would (if I put more than one layer on).

NYX’s matte lipstick is also good for over-lining your lips… If I were to take a lip-liner to my pancake flat lips, I’d look like Pete Burns. It’d look odd af! Instead, I over-line them using matte liquid lipsticks.

All in all, if you’re looking for a good lipstick, this isn’t a bad choice. Remember – for £6.99, it’s smaller than expected and cheap/tacky looking.

Also, if you’re into a little bit of MJ, here are some lyrics that describe what bae does to me…

The way he makes me feel
(The way he make mes feel)
He really turns me on
(He really turns me on)
He knock me off of my feet
(He knock me off of my feet)

– my lonely days are still here. 

L'Oréal Lip Paint

Hey you mighty fine lot,

You know what today is – right? Another day where I blog! Have you heard that age old saying: “L’O (and BEHOLD these matte lip paints are) RÉAL(LY something special!”? It’s a great saying!

L’Oréal, aside from being the be-all-and-end-all of life, is the be-all-and-end-all of makeup brands. I was proclaiming my love for not only them but their BB Creams, just yesterday…

Today, I decided I wanted to invest in one of their lip paints, and I did. I got one in shade: “Red, actually”.

My verdict: it was “Love at first wear”, actually! I put it in on and became ‘La Vie En Rose’ or ‘La dame en rouge’… In keeping with the French theme, “vous le valez bien”. 💖

What I love about these Paints: they’re matte. Bold. Long-lasting. They come in a modest (but awesome !!) range of colours, so there’s one for everyone…

Other things I love: it’s good… Smells nice… Is made up of a good “formula” (like F1, Team Mercedes and Lewis Hamilton, innit?)…

The only thing I have to point out – I found it very difficult to tell the difference between a tester and a new one.

The ones in the Boots which I visited were open (?) I’m not sure if that’s the idea they had in mind. I understand why L’Oréal would do this though because people spend their lives complaining about the over-sealing of makeup products… We can’t seem to open them half the time (mascaras [in general] especially)!

Recognised last words of this post: bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae…

Bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae…

Bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae, bae; so bae that I can’t even bae anymore! Oh wait – bae.