Beauty

His Royal Highness, he makes a DAMN good King… 😍

If you’re not a King, you’re probably a Queen and… AMSTAR-TING to get REALLY get back into this blog postage (& packaging).

Aloha!

I’m Bach with a post about Victoria’s most Secret venture… Fragrances. Everyone who shops at VS, shops lingerie. I don’t know many who know VS for its other stock. Firstly, its PJ (not Peanut & Jelly) selection is SOMETHING ELSE!

Alas, I’m not here to discuss this… I’m here to talk fragrance. Especially her limited-edition ‘Golden Bloom’.

Get wrapped up in limited-edition sexy-warm scents, with notes of cozy gourmand, winter woods and dark ripe fruits.

  • Golden Bloom: Warm, with warm apple and tiger orchid

  • Velvet Petals: Warm, with sweet almond glaze and creamy sandalwood

  • Dark Flora: Warm, with pomegranate and sugared woods

  • Midnight Ivy: Warm, with rum raisins and amber woods

I love perfume, but- I’m the hardest (or easiest) to please because I love both fruity and floral scents.

I can never choose. I like them all, end up choosing one, and then regret my choice. So, imagine my QUELLE SURPRISE! when I discovered that VS (the FULL ON FLAMBAE OF THE RETAIL MARKET) sells a fruit & floral hybrid body mist?! Mate. Mateo. Mattise. Matrimony. Mattress. Metamorphic rock. Igneous.

That’s another thing (that has absolutely nothing to do with sedimentary)… I’m not even going to pretend that I didn’t USE TO have the tendency to overspray myself to the point where your nostrils could tell I was on my way from the Arctic (if you’re based in Australia). With “Golden Bloom”, this is no longer an issue.

That’s right, it’s a very soft and subtle scent. I’d like to say it smells like flowers and coconut. It’s honestly the most exotic thing I’ve ever smelled/smelt/s’mores. I love it.

Oh, let’s get on to my other favourite part about this… The packaging. Two trillion percent (by the time I’m 80) I’ll have the bottle’s design tattooed all over my body. My aim is to look like the Garden of Eden before I (hopefully) go there, God willing!

Okay, back to the scent itself… VS describes it as a “sexy” “forest” smell… Now, I don’t know how long you’ve been keeping up with this blog for (if you keep up with it at all), but I LOVE FORESTS!

I mean, I’d never go into one now… But, I just love the idea of them. Knowing that there’s a place where there are SO MANY TREES makes me so happy (them being cut down NOT AT ALL).

I also love what I imagine forests to smell like… Like a woodland. Oak. Fresh air. Squirrel poop. Deer wee. EVERYTHING. (probably not the two latter things before “EVERYTHING”).

Let’s take things back to VS’ description… I have to say that I didn’t really get the whole “forest” thing… Because, what forest has VS been to that smells like coconuts? Then again, I’m not a connoMansour of forests. Green houses/rooms, maybe. Forests? Not so much

In a nutshell, put Golden Bloom around your nostrils when you get the chance. You might like it. If you don’t, sorry.

I don’t usually do this and get no enjoyment out of it but: if you’re one of the 0.00000000000000000000000000001% that would like to rant about my content and how “I need to learn to distinguish truth from fiction”, email: complaint@MiamiiGivesADiarrhea.NOT

I don’t like ending (or anything-ing) with negativity, so… *watches something hysterical on YouTube/TV/streams it online* I feel like everybody should do the same. If everyone followed suit, there’d be less animosity.

MaybellineHolla at your spice rack in the kitchen!

or…

‘Hola cómo estás?!’ (as it translates in SEXY LANGUAGES)

Today marks the time that I officially get back into the swing of blogging… I have been sporadic with my postings of late, and I’m sorry. Blogging really is like therapy, so I have no real reason why I’ve left this blog dormant, but I’ve been busy with work.

Anyway, so – what better way to get back into blogging than to discuss my current fave lip product. Introducing: Maybelline’s SuperStay Matte Ink.

Ink with Attitude.  Maybelline introduces SuperStay Matte Ink, an intense ink colour concentration, ultra-chic matte finish and flawless, 12 hour wear. With a precise arrow applicator for a smooth matte, second-skin effect in just one stroke. Statement, inked lips that last.

Maybe it’s… THE BEST THING YOU COULD EVER PUT ON YOUR LIPS! (Seriously)

I’m obsessed with not just the formula (which does not dry my lips out at all) but the shade (it’s bold AF) and packaging too. Alicia Keys weren’t alying when she said New York is where “dreams” “are made”. Full-on: YES! OUI! JA! OKAY! I’m actually infatuated with this. It’s slightly strange. Like, it’s only matte lipstick – but it’s SO GOOD and so underrated (in my opinion).

Seriously, I know I keep saying this but it’s so good. If you’re looking to try a new pink shade, and are very into matte-liquid lipsticks, do yourself a favour and invest in this, pronto.

It not only mattifies the lips but smoothens/soothes them. You know those disgusting chapped marks that some matte lipsticks leave? You get none of that with this. It’s honestly the best lip stain I have ever used. The shade, in particular, is also very flattering.

12-hour stay verdict: I’m not going to keep lipstick on my face for 12 hours to test this theory… No offences. I highly regard hygiene. So, I wash my faeces (hahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha, this word makes me laugh so hard for no reason) when I get home. However, what I can say is that it stays put. It didn’t fade easily after drinking or eating.

Other things that I love about Maybelline’s SuperStay Matte Ink: it comes off very easily but doesn’t (to my knowledge) smudge. The applicator is pretty special as well, it’s so easy to use and applies swiftly (with one coat #anorak).

This Lip Ink is just everything. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the shade I picked up is called “Lover” and I LOVER it. It’s like a nude pink/purple – unless I’m colourblind and it’s like BRIGHT ORANGE, in which case: YES! JUST: OUI!

Put it in your basket instantaneously and don’t worry about the rest… Is I in fact going to buy all the other shadeses? OUI. JA. YES. OKAY.

Thanks,

Miamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Xo

We know Bae knows how to take the perfect selfie but – Wunder2, the brand behind the very popular WunderBrow, have a setting powder that claims to give you the finished airbrush look…

PERFECT SELFIE HD Photo Finishing Powder is the easy way to achieve filter-flawless skin in real life. Formulated with High-Resolution Powder Technology, this ultra soft, bouncy powder magically transforms the skin to become poreless and pixel perfect. The ultimate finish to your makeup look in under two minutes without the use of a photo filter.

Are you like me? — Probably not which BTW is sometimes, most of the time and/or all the time a good thing, if you ask me…

Does your makeup always look half-done? No matter how much  or little I apply (less is definitely more where I’m concerned… I mean, you can still see my P.I.M.P-les. LOLS! Or should I say PMS-L. #PreMinstrelSycle-Lunacy. 🙈

GIMME GALAXY, INSTANTANEOUSLY* (please & thanks)!

*My not-so-new favourite word – other favourite words include: upper echelon, majesty, mate, Pegasus – which is a mythical animal and not just a word – oh, and decorum.

So, anyway (or all the ways)… Let’s get back to discussing Wunder2. ‘Cause I Wunder what 2 weeksies is…

I expected the powder to be tinted, becuase I didn’t do much research before buying it. I trust Wunder2. So, I knew it’d be good because their mascara is INCREDS!

It arrived in its very classy packaging, like all the other items I’ve bought from them… I opened it up, and saw a white base and nothing else. I geniunely thought I’d been sold a product with nothing in, until I realised that it was actually a white compact, pressed powder, that balances out your foundation’s skin tone and camouflages into it.

What did I think of it? It’s actually provides a really matte, HD finish (as stated), and looks flawless in selfies. I’m not even kidding, my selfie game has been “lifted” and/or “strengthened” like a one tonne dumbbell! #WhosBeenEatingThosePopeyeSpinaches?! #MyFace.

… if one more personal trainer asks me again if I “lift”, I’ll take the escalator and/or the stairs, dedicating it to them.

Final words of whizz-dome from me, it’s actually worth a purchase! Get the Perfect Selfie, be Bae for ONE dae with Wunder2…

Godly blessings,

🍀

 

Today I’ll be discussing (complaining about) Smashbox’s three-tone ombré lipsticks. What a load of BS.

Firstly, I don’t know if I have some next level lips that kiss themselves when I’m not looking or feeling but this lipstick smudged like a Mother trucker! I can’t even tell you, but again – I’ll find a way. Load. Of. Monstrosity. What a rip off. £12.00 something, wasted.

Then, let’s move on to the shade, shall we? Yes, I love red lipstick but I was anticipating this to look like the image, a sunset… I don’t know if I’m an invalid at applying lipstick or if they actually false advertised, but it just looked like a standard red lipstick – one that didn’t suit my skin tone at all. I have a Seventeen lipstick that cost £3 that did a better job and looked better than this absolute fudgery. Don’t buy it unless you fancy wasting your money and/or have unkissable-themselves lips and/or don’t have a skin tone that makes you look even pastier when this is applied. I looked washed out and like an albino Eskimo with bright red lips. Imagine. Never. Again.

What a load of BS. Absolute crap. No. It’s a no from me. It doesn’t even deserve a picture nor a link to the product page. Stupidity. What a waste of packaging and a product. My bank statement is bereft and hosting a minute’s silence for the waste at 12am tomorrow morning, GMT.

So, to confirm – things that are legendary:

Bae

Things that are not legendary:

– Be Legendary by Smashbox, ALL the offence in the world – not even “no”! BULL SH*T.

OMG!

At 03:23GMT, I am coming to you not LIVE from my bedroom as I discuss my new ovary face roller.

  • WHILE OTHER FACE MASSAGERS are squeaky, brake easily and require electricity, SENSSE provides a solution in the form of a smooth-rolling face massager that will last a lifetime. The result? MASSAGES YOU’LL LOVE, and a YOUNGER LOOKING YOU.
  • SAY GOODBYE TO LINES and hello to smoother, fuller skin. Implement this facial toner into your morning routine and watch as those lines fade away. The SENSSE tool massages and relaxes your muscles, supports natural blood circulation, and enhances elasticity of saggy skin – leaving you with remarkable results you’ll want to show the world.
  • JUST 5 MINUTES A DAY is all it takes to experience the sensational benefits. No more messing around with expensive creams and time-consuming electric gimmicks. Only taking a few minutes to work its magic, the SENSSE face massager saves you time and ensures your face is looking its best for the day ahead.
  • ACHIEVE A HEALTHY GLOW by rolling with our derma roller and improving your blood circulation. It would be amazing to take your skin back to its younger days, right?! Time machines don’t exist yet – but the SENSSE 3D face roller does – thousands are turning to this face massage tool to revitalize their skin and knock years off their appearance.
  • OUR PROMISE TO YOU – At SENSSE we believe in providing a first-class customer experience. We offer a 60-DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE and 2-year manufacture warranty.

I know what you’re not thinking: “oh, wow! That Miamii sure knows how to live… Blogging about a metal OVARY at 03:20something in the morning on a Saturday!”

Well, you know, if I cared about what blogging others thought – long story short is: my soul would’ve left my own body 25 and a half years ago… I catch myself thinking ‘WTF?!” at my own self-inflicted idiocy regularly, it’s nothing new… It just happens less often now. Yes, this blog post isn’t a great example of how not to live but we’re all allowed to have ‘WTF?!’ moments outside of RL, this blog post being written is one of them.

Back to the metal ovary… It’s no secret that blood circulation misses my face most days… I walk around with an inflated beach ball covered in skin – which I call a face. I used to blame it on water retention, but there comes a time where you just got to accept that there isn’t an excuse for that. Of course, it isn’t that bad, I’m highly exaggerating, but you know… Inflation of the facial region.

At this stage, I’m not sure if I want to go back to discussing the metal ovary or just talk about my flaws a little more… Alright, back to the ovary.

It’s not an actual ovary. Sorry to disappoint you… It can’t have an out-of-body PMS, during MS and/or post MS experience outside of your own body, so, apologies… It’s just a face roller and my best buy.

I love it so much even though I’ve had it less than 24 hours. It’s literally like a gym for the face; except there isn’t a gym for the face. Hahahaha. I’m really selling this. FML!

You know what it feels like? The roller for coats/jackets or the pin that we roll out dough with. In hindsight, it probably would’ve been more convenient to use those two but, my face doesn’t want to catch a self-raising flour, milk & yeast infection nor does it want to have fabric where skin used to be…

I bought this one from Amazon (the roller not a fabric skinned yeast facial infection). It’s by Senssé and it’s Sensétional. I love it. It’s literally incredible. There’s nothing like it. Probably FACT because who even thinks to develop a FACE ROLLER?! What must be going on in your life for you to decide to cut metal into an ovary and sell it on Amazon? I’m so glad whatever it is happened, because: YES!

I used it once and noticed a difference instantly. It was like a placebo ‘new face, who dis?!’ effect. We’ve all been there.

So, there we go… It defines the cheekbones, smoothens lines and jowls whilst also defining the jawline. Perfection.

I mean, 99.999999999999999999 – 100% of the population don’t need this, but I do so… Don’t buy it. But, allow me to buy it so I can tell you about it and waste a few hours of your life.

Did I mention that it’s a metal ovary? Only the finest of Rose Gold placentas (which this isn’t) for moi… What am I on about? I don’t even know!

I also know it looks like a pee-pee. I was told this by a friend and I did get slightly mortified. However, not enough to still post about it, clearly. “It’s like a pee-pee fidget spinner for the face!”, she said. I don’t know what to say… I prefer ovaries just because I’ve got set of those and can relate to them on an emotional level.

How do I like my eggs?

Poached.

Hahaha!