OMG!

At 03:23GMT, I am coming to you not LIVE from my bedroom as I discuss my new ovary face roller.

  • WHILE OTHER FACE MASSAGERS are squeaky, brake easily and require electricity, SENSSE provides a solution in the form of a smooth-rolling face massager that will last a lifetime. The result? MASSAGES YOU’LL LOVE, and a YOUNGER LOOKING YOU.
  • SAY GOODBYE TO LINES and hello to smoother, fuller skin. Implement this facial toner into your morning routine and watch as those lines fade away. The SENSSE tool massages and relaxes your muscles, supports natural blood circulation, and enhances elasticity of saggy skin – leaving you with remarkable results you’ll want to show the world.
  • JUST 5 MINUTES A DAY is all it takes to experience the sensational benefits. No more messing around with expensive creams and time-consuming electric gimmicks. Only taking a few minutes to work its magic, the SENSSE face massager saves you time and ensures your face is looking its best for the day ahead.
  • ACHIEVE A HEALTHY GLOW by rolling with our derma roller and improving your blood circulation. It would be amazing to take your skin back to its younger days, right?! Time machines don’t exist yet – but the SENSSE 3D face roller does – thousands are turning to this face massage tool to revitalize their skin and knock years off their appearance.
  • OUR PROMISE TO YOU – At SENSSE we believe in providing a first-class customer experience. We offer a 60-DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE and 2-year manufacture warranty.

I know what you’re not thinking: “oh, wow! That Miamii sure knows how to live… Blogging about a metal OVARY at 03:20something in the morning on a Saturday!”

Well, you know, if I cared about what blogging others thought – long story short is: my soul would’ve left my own body 25 and a half years ago… I catch myself thinking ‘WTF?!” at my own self-inflicted idiocy regularly, it’s nothing new… It just happens less often now. Yes, this blog post isn’t a great example of how not to live but we’re all allowed to have ‘WTF?!’ moments outside of RL, this blog post being written is one of them.

Back to the metal ovary… It’s no secret that blood circulation misses my face most days… I walk around with an inflated beach ball covered in skin – which I call a face. I used to blame it on water retention, but there comes a time where you just got to accept that there isn’t an excuse for that. Of course, it isn’t that bad, I’m highly exaggerating, but you know… Inflation of the facial region.

At this stage, I’m not sure if I want to go back to discussing the metal ovary or just talk about my flaws a little more… Alright, back to the ovary.

It’s not an actual ovary. Sorry to disappoint you… It can’t have an out-of-body PMS, during MS and/or post MS experience outside of your own body, so, apologies… It’s just a face roller and my best buy.

I love it so much even though I’ve had it less than 24 hours. It’s literally like a gym for the face; except there isn’t a gym for the face. Hahahaha. I’m really selling this. FML!

You know what it feels like? The roller for coats/jackets or the pin that we roll out dough with. In hindsight, it probably would’ve been more convenient to use those two but, my face doesn’t want to catch a self-raising flour, milk & yeast infection nor does it want to have fabric where skin used to be…

I bought this one from Amazon (the roller not a fabric skinned yeast facial infection). It’s by Senssé and it’s Sensétional. I love it. It’s literally incredible. There’s nothing like it. Probably FACT because who even thinks to develop a FACE ROLLER?! What must be going on in your life for you to decide to cut metal into an ovary and sell it on Amazon? I’m so glad whatever it is happened, because: YES!

I used it once and noticed a difference instantly. It was like a placebo ‘new face, who dis?!’ effect. We’ve all been there.

So, there we go… It defines the cheekbones, smoothens lines and jowls whilst also defining the jawline. Perfection.

I mean, 99.999999999999999999 – 100% of the population don’t need this, but I do so… Don’t buy it. But, allow me to buy it so I can tell you about it and waste a few hours of your life.

Did I mention that it’s a metal ovary? Only the finest of Rose Gold placentas (which this isn’t) for moi… What am I on about? I don’t even know!

I also know it looks like a pee-pee. I was told this by a friend and I did get slightly mortified. However, not enough to still post about it, clearly. “It’s like a pee-pee fidget spinner for the face!”, she said. I don’t know what to say… I prefer ovaries just because I’ve got set of those and can relate to them on an emotional level.

How do I like my eggs?

Poached.

Hahaha!