Am I going to be telling you how to recreate Nicki Minaj’s ‘Bang Bang‘ music video featuring Jessie J and Ariana ‘not a font but should be’ Grande? Sadly, no. Not yet!

Who knows, if I wake up with Michael Flatley Syndrome and can all of a sudden dance like nobody’s watching, maybe… #AnythingsPossible

To tide you over until that miraculous yet never going to happen occasion, I’ve got the next best thing – a Wagamama not-so classic ‘Bang Bang’ cauliflower recipe.

Here’s a question I should get asked all the time: “how did you discover Wagamama’s Bang Bang Cauliflower?” The answer is simple. It’s a funny story, really… I remember it like it was yesterday!

*Every* upon a time (I would say “Once” but my weighing scales won’t prove that), I queued up for what felt like an ETERNITY to be seated. However, as if by sorcery/magic/wizardry, a table became vacant thereafter!

I sat down with my (not S Club) party, managing to put my phone down long enough to actually READ the menu… Who does that? #Savage!

Somehow – over the crowded restaurant’s all-inclusive endless elbow ‘Bang Bang’s (which I was getting from the person next to me #DecorProblems #GrandDesignsSOS OR #60MinuteMakeoverSOS) – our eyes sort of “met”…

You know, that #50ShadesofHungry #FeedMeNow #TakeALLOfMyMoney kinda shizz…

Enough about that, let’s get discussing ingredients, one of which – I don’t think is mentioned near enough – is cauliflower… I dunno, call me the ‘Cauliflower whisperer’ but I think you’re going to need it!

Who knows, maybe not… Got Broccoli? #ThugLyf. You need to be behind BARS with that attitude, mate! I’m on the “dog and bone” (after winning #Crufts2017) to the Vegetable Patch Po Po’s NOW!

D’Arrest is HISTORY! ❤️

To make the Cauliflower (without actually “making it” because you BUY it from the supermarket or grow it #VegCrisis):
  • 1 large head cauliflower (if you managed to read that with a straight face, you need a Vegan knighthood)
  • 1/2 cup almond meal
  • 1/2 cup tapioca starch or arrowroot
  • 2 tablespoons coconut flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon paprika
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup sparkling water
  • Shredded lettuce (to serve as garnish)
  • Green onions – sliced (to serve as garnish)
‘Bang Bang’ Sauce:
  • 7 tablespoons white wine vinegar
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 teaspoon fresh ginger, minced
  • 1/4 cup honey
  • 2 teaspoons red pepper flakes
  • 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 2/3 cup mayonnaise
  • 3-4 tablespoons Sriracha

Steps‘ are going on tour. But, before they do – here are the Steps to making #BangBangCauliflower: *you can opt to sing the instructions for full effect*

  1. Preheat oven to 450° F and line a large baking tray with parchment paper.
  2. Cut the cauliflower into small bitesized (BBC Revision, kids! Get on it like 200 car bonnets) pieces.
  3. In a large bowl, whisk together the almond meal, tapioca, coconut flour, water, salt, and paprika.
  4. Place the cauliflower into the bowl and toss until each piece is coated.
  5. Arrange pieces on the baking sheet in a single layer.
  6. Bake for 25 minutes flipping once halfway through.
  7. While the cauliflower is baking – make the sauce. *see Step 8 or risk ‘Tragedy‘*
  8. In a small pot over medium high heat whisk together all ingredients except for the mayo and sriracha.
  9. Bring to a boil for 2-3 minutes then reduce to a simmer. Allow to cook until thickened about 5 minutes.
  10. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
  11. Once cool mix with the mayo and Sriracha.
  12. Toss the cauliflower with the ‘Bang Bang’ (no Cillit, dirt still gone though) sauce.
  13. To serve top the shredded lettuce with the cauliflower and sprinkle with sliced green onions.

If you’re a Paleo dieter, you can still chomp on these.