OMG!

At 03:23GMT, I am coming to you not LIVE from my bedroom as I discuss my new ovary face roller.

  • WHILE OTHER FACE MASSAGERS are squeaky, brake easily and require electricity, SENSSE provides a solution in the form of a smooth-rolling face massager that will last a lifetime. The result? MASSAGES YOU’LL LOVE, and a YOUNGER LOOKING YOU.
  • SAY GOODBYE TO LINES and hello to smoother, fuller skin. Implement this facial toner into your morning routine and watch as those lines fade away. The SENSSE tool massages and relaxes your muscles, supports natural blood circulation, and enhances elasticity of saggy skin – leaving you with remarkable results you’ll want to show the world.
  • JUST 5 MINUTES A DAY is all it takes to experience the sensational benefits. No more messing around with expensive creams and time-consuming electric gimmicks. Only taking a few minutes to work its magic, the SENSSE face massager saves you time and ensures your face is looking its best for the day ahead.
  • ACHIEVE A HEALTHY GLOW by rolling with our derma roller and improving your blood circulation. It would be amazing to take your skin back to its younger days, right?! Time machines don’t exist yet – but the SENSSE 3D face roller does – thousands are turning to this face massage tool to revitalize their skin and knock years off their appearance.
  • OUR PROMISE TO YOU – At SENSSE we believe in providing a first-class customer experience. We offer a 60-DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE and 2-year manufacture warranty.

I know what you’re not thinking: “oh, wow! That Miamii sure knows how to live… Blogging about a metal OVARY at 03:20something in the morning on a Saturday!”

Well, you know, if I cared about what blogging others thought – long story short is: my soul would’ve left my own body 25 and a half years ago… I catch myself thinking ‘WTF?!” at my own self-inflicted idiocy regularly, it’s nothing new… It just happens less often now. Yes, this blog post isn’t a great example of how not to live but we’re all allowed to have ‘WTF?!’ moments outside of RL, this blog post being written is one of them.

Back to the metal ovary… It’s no secret that blood circulation misses my face most days… I walk around with an inflated beach ball covered in skin – which I call a face. I used to blame it on water retention, but there comes a time where you just got to accept that there isn’t an excuse for that. Of course, it isn’t that bad, I’m highly exaggerating, but you know… Inflation of the facial region.

At this stage, I’m not sure if I want to go back to discussing the metal ovary or just talk about my flaws a little more… Alright, back to the ovary.

It’s not an actual ovary. Sorry to disappoint you… It can’t have an out-of-body PMS, during MS and/or post MS experience outside of your own body, so, apologies… It’s just a face roller and my best buy.

I love it so much even though I’ve had it less than 24 hours. It’s literally like a gym for the face; except there isn’t a gym for the face. Hahahaha. I’m really selling this. FML!

You know what it feels like? The roller for coats/jackets or the pin that we roll out dough with. In hindsight, it probably would’ve been more convenient to use those two but, my face doesn’t want to catch a self-raising flour, milk & yeast infection nor does it want to have fabric where skin used to be…

I bought this one from Amazon (the roller not a fabric skinned yeast facial infection). It’s by Senssé and it’s Sensétional. I love it. It’s literally incredible. There’s nothing like it. Probably FACT because who even thinks to develop a FACE ROLLER?! What must be going on in your life for you to decide to cut metal into an ovary and sell it on Amazon? I’m so glad whatever it is happened, because: YES!

I used it once and noticed a difference instantly. It was like a placebo ‘new face, who dis?!’ effect. We’ve all been there.

So, there we go… It defines the cheekbones, smoothens lines and jowls whilst also defining the jawline. Perfection.

I mean, 99.999999999999999999 – 100% of the population don’t need this, but I do so… Don’t buy it. But, allow me to buy it so I can tell you about it and waste a few hours of your life.

Did I mention that it’s a metal ovary? Only the finest of Rose Gold placentas (which this isn’t) for moi… What am I on about? I don’t even know!

I also know it looks like a pee-pee. I was told this by a friend and I did get slightly mortified. However, not enough to still post about it, clearly. “It’s like a pee-pee fidget spinner for the face!”, she said. I don’t know what to say… I prefer ovaries just because I’ve got set of those and can relate to them on an emotional level.

How do I like my eggs?

Poached.

Hahaha!

 

I LOOK LIKE I NEED A STAMP OVER MY OWN FACE. AT LEAST LET ME START AS I MEAN TO GO ON! LET ME CREATE MY OWN STAMP BEFORE I MAKE ONE FOR YOU.

I DO NOT SELL ON WOWCHER. IF IN DOUBT, FIGURE IT OUT OR EAT A FIG WHILE YOU’RE OUT. JUST, DON’T FILL OUT THE CONTACT FORM ASKING ABOUT YOUR ORDERS.

I A) WON’T ANSWER. B) YOU’LL BE WASTING A MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE. YOU COULD BE MAKING CHILDREN ON MY BEHALF! ENJOY!

Below, I will be sharing my ways of coping with depression, anxiety and the like…

This actually isn’t the first time I’ve discussed anxiety on here, but today’s a day that warrants a repost or a reshare.

1) remember the things that you live for, the people you live for… Yes, I know this one’s somewhat difficult to do in the moment, but you’d be surprised how for every negative thought, a replacement of a positive one goes a long way…

According to science, if you remind yourself of three things that you’re most thankful for each day for 21 days, this rewires your brain to fix our chain of thought to become more positive.

2) pace yourself. Set short-term goals that you can achieve each day. If you struggle to leave the house when you’re at your lowest, motivate and encourage yourself to step outside, even just standing in your front yard. Each day, go a few steps further and before you know it, you’ll be back to being able to go out.

The other way is to push yourself completely out of your comfort  zone. Rather than pacing yourself, just bite the bullet. Go out, but take someone you trust with you and take a tranquilliser medication with you too, to calm you down. honestly, although I didn’t realise this at the time, this one helped the most.

3) CBT, counselling and or talking about it to people who you trust

This one is important. Look, plenty of mental illnesses can be cured just by talking about what’s bothering you. Yes, medications help to cope, but all they do is get rid of it for the duration of time you’re taking the dose. Essentially, it’s like putting a plaster on the problem and not treating it from the root.

No matter how difficult it is, if you can’t talk about it, you’re not going to fully heal. Of course, it’s not a bad thing if you can’t discuss it right away, you need to be ready. That’s fine too. It’s just, it’s impossible to get rid of the problem completely if you’re bottling it up. I always tell my friends this all the time. Whatever it is, it’s better out than in – not just flatulence and/or burps.

4) only do things that bring you joy

I watch TV, blog like crazy, and spend time with my mum, BFFS and brother a lot. Thinking of Bae a bit a lot helps as well. These are the things that keep us grounded. Bae keeps ME grounded, hopefully not like a teenager would be, but still.

5) cut the negatives from your life

Negative things are a form of toxins. You need to rid them from your life in order to heal. Remove them and you’ll start to live better.

6) Mindfulness/meditation

Guided meditation is incredible. It saved me. Honestly, they’re everything. If you don’t like meditating, listen to podcasts. They’re legit perfection.

Here’s something I don’t always talk about, but I should today…

I went through this. Two years ago. Yeah, I could hide it, and try to pretend it didn’t happen, or I could say that I went through it and came out of the other side.

I suppose I’m now ready to talk about it… I went through it because I had been bullied a lot as a child right through to the age of 17. I guess, I didn’t really know any different until after I moved schools. I suppose, going through it that long, you either get used to it and/or believe that everyone goes through it too…

Then, after leaving my old school and entering a new one, I met someone really abusive, mentally. That wasn’t fun either… I think this is one of the reasons why I don’t usually get into relationships – I mean, I wasn’t dating this guy but he was a complete creep. I literally had to get the police involved.

The reason I’m opening up about this now is because I feel like this can help someone… We all go through stuff. Terrible stuff. It’s the strong ones who are able to come out the other side that are the winners.

For me, although I was at the rockest of all bottoms, my saving grace was that I kept thinking of “tomorrow”. I never told myself I’d do “it” today. I always said “if I’m still feeling like this tomorrow, I’ll do it”. The same went on for as long as it did…

I was a junior youth worker aged 13. When the majority of my peers in Dagenham were getting pregnant, drinking and smoking – I was campaigning against it, running seminars against children doing these things. I’d set up classes, theatre trips to get people off the streets, and did all I could to be a shoulder to cry on for the bullied.

One thing you need to know about me, I was someone who was too strong to comprehend suicide. I understood the weaknesses of people who feel like they can’t go on, but I encouraged their strengths and made them feel like there’s stuff to live for. So, I surprised myself and everyone around me when I went through it…

My lesson is this, whoever you meet – try to be the best version of you that you can be. Honestly, there’s too much mean spiritedness everywhere and it needs to stop. Don’t agree with someone? Fine. Don’t hate on them for it. Don’t like the look of someone? Don’t hate on them for it. Don’t get along with someone? Fine. Don’t hate on them for it. There are ways to go about everything in life, and understanding that some people may be more sensitive about certain things than others is a start.

Be a nice and good human. In fact, don’t even worry about the nice and good bit, just be HUMAN. Love as much as you can and spread as much joy as you can.

I always thought it’s easier to be nice than it is to be horrible… I mean, you have to THINK about the negative things to say to people, right? Like, mean people must put their curses into audition and figure out strongest and most likely to bring someone down… What a waste of a life. Get a hobby.

That is all I wanted to say. To the nice people out there, keep being nice and if you go through stuff, it’s okay. I mean, it shouldn’t be but we’re human. Alas, we live in a society where the idiots are too brave and the legends lack it.

 

TTYL,

Miamii

xxxx

heatwave UKI’ve just hopped (like a kangaroo) on here to discuss the importance of You.

Right, there’s a lot I can say, but I’ll try to keep it under 10,000 words. Emphasis on the word ‘try’.

First and foremost, you should smile 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year – yadi yadah.

Second and Formosa, you’re legit a legend.

Third and utmost, remember that those who are first to pass negative judgement and/or give criticism are the same people who do nothing but sit around jobless, trying to get rises out of people like it pays their bills. While you are smashing it, doing you, being the best, they cry into their cereal and do nothing but troll from their dim, cardboard box room.

Fourth and mostmost, you’re a special little fella, aren’t you? You bring love, light, energy, and all the good stuff. You have saved people’s lives and brightened people’s days no end. You’ve made people who didn’t even want to smile or laugh cry with happy tears. Every time you hit a snag, remember this. There’s no One better.

As I said, there’s more, plenty more – but, I’ll stop. Remember this, an opinion is valid, always. Also, if you’re not being criticised, you’re not doing well enough. Haters only hate on people who’re better than them, and greater.

Thanks.

Godly blessings.

I once ate a whole wasabi. My friends recorded the whole thing.